Five By Five

The thing about life is that it sucks. And you can quote me on that.

But there’s another thing about life that’s important to know, the fact that it sucks makes it easier for us to cherish the few happy moments we may get.

I was scrolling through Instagram the other day, procrastinating studying for my exams and pretty much ignoring everything I was supposed to be doing when I saw a picture that said:

The Five x Five Rule to Happiness:  If anything that upsets you isn’t going to be relevant or worth your attention in five years, don’t spend more than five minutes upset about it.

And I really stopped and thought about it. I’ve spent a lot of time moping and being upset about some of my failures, even though some of them really ridiculous. For instance, the fact that I’m still annoyed about not being Captain / Leader at school is quite possibly the stupidest thing, especially since I hated school and hated everyone in it. And the logical part of me knows I would’ve hated it, but the larger, pettier part of me is still cut up about that.

But that wasn’t true failure and I know that now. Failure is when you see what could’ve been and you have this huge, gaping hole inside your chest next to your heart. It feels like you’ve been sucker punched in gut and you’re left gasping when all you can feel is pain.

So I thought about this rule, and how it would help me get over things because I keep a lot of stuff pent up for years and it all piles on until it isn’t healthy. But then I realized I don’t know for sure what will and won’t be important to me in five years. What if by assigning something importance is the only way my life would’ve been happier? What if by getting over it I’m actually accepting something that I wasn’t meant to accept?

Life isn’t that cut and dry, it requires blood and tears to be lived through. Even if I spend five minutes upset about something, those five minutes are still going to be incredibly painful. A year ago, I thought dislocating my knee was the most pain I’d ever have to go through, but somehow I think realizing that I’ve failed hurts even more. And it took me a lot more than five minutes to get over the physical agony of having a bones shifting in my body, so I think it may take me some more time to deal with failure.

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Five by five is also slang for ‘everything is alright’ and unfortunately, that’s also a signal to life that things are getting too good, so it’s time to fuck something up. And we’re back to square one again.

So yes, life sucks. But someone very important just told me that,

“You can still keep getting up no matter how many times life kicks you in the butt, because the very fact that you’re living and breathing and EXISTING means that you still have it in you.” – Christina.

I’m going to file the Five by five rule for later, for now I think I’ll just mope and rant and be annoyed until I’m ready to try (fail) again.

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Until next time,

Nia Carnelio.

[Also, I’d promise to write more, but TY really is keeping me busy. I watched the entirety of Parks and Recreation and am still recovering from the end of the best show ever, so cut me some slack. AND Pokemon Go won’t work on my phone. No wonder I haven’t been writing.]

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