On Being A Loner

So I had my psychology paper today. I consider it a miracle that I managed to complete it, although I have my suspicions that the paper wasn’t as lengthy as I’d expected. Well, what I do know is that I’m probably never regaining complete use of my hand ever again.

So, we had this chapter on major psychological disorders and psychotherapies used to treat them. All the big ones were there; Schizophrenia, Anxiety Disorders, Personality Disorders and Depression. I had written something on the top on a page over Depression.

“Being alone is not the same as being lonely. Being alone is a choice, being lonely is not.”

The first time I had come across these concepts was in ninth grade when during a Human Values Seminar, the speaker read to us a letter from a mother and father whose son had put a gun to his temple and shot himself because he felt lonely.  That day, they explained to us the importance of befriending people and appreciating them.

The boy, Mike, was a very popular person. He didn’t do drugs or alcohol or anything that might’ve been the cause for his suicide. All his parents said that, the Sunday before the Thursday he killed himself, they had a long talk where they understood that their rosy perception of his life wasn’t really true.

That was when I realized what a big deal this was. Others forgot all about it, thinking its rubbish as they walked out of the school hall. I’ve kept the letter and have read it a few times since. Not because I’m lonely, but because I should never make another person feel that they are.

As I’ve grown, I’ve realized that even though according to standard definition I’m considered an extrovert, I like my solitude more than anything. Many see my lack of enthusiasm to go out and socialize as laziness, but that’s not what it is. I just don’t want to.

I’ve recently realized that I’d don’t really like people. No bias, I just don’t like socializing more than absolutely necessary. I prefer reading a book, writing in my journal or just being alone over meeting new people.

That said, once I’m out of the house I’m actually a very sociable person, I have many friends, and even more acquaintances. It takes time for me to like people and then, after they do something wrong, a really long time to accept them again.

This, well, not inability, more like ‘I don’t want to’ trust stems from shaky relationships with my previous best friends.  For example, I have over a hundred classmates. I like barely twenty and tolerate another ten, while the rest face complete indifference from me.

People who I’m friends with, who I know, know that I don’t really like people. I’ve never hid the fact that I prefer books to a person, well, except for my family maybe. I’m blunt, I don’t like beating around the bush. That helps in minimizing the conversation and I can get out faster.

So, I guess what I really wanted to say was that I’m okay being alone, I like my solitude. When I’ll feel lonely, I’ll go talk to someone, probably my mom, she’s my best friend. She’s really cool, too.

But, I hope never to make a person feel lonely just because I’m alone.

Until next time,

Nia.

Some of the quotes and phrases I underlined in that letter:

Each individual, however has his own perception of reality.

A person can feel very lonely, even when surrounded by a crowd.

Your parents and family are there but your peers  are so important too, open your hearts and tell them you love them.

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Book and Coffee = Bliss
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The horror. Id, SuperEgo and Ego.
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Yes, exactly my point.

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This is my twenty-fifth post on this blog. I’m ecstatic that I’ve managed to keep a blog for this long. Seriously.

Off to study Sociology and then party.

Adios.

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4 thoughts on “On Being A Loner

  1. Hi! Thanks so much for commenting on my blog! I totally like get where you’re coming from – I used to really really enjoy hanging out and partying with people but then I would actually find myself enjoying solitude perfectly well too. It was quite weird, like I was a bit of an extrovert and introvert at the same time. Then I read somewhere that extro/introversion is best defined by where you “recharge” your energy from. And I realised that I actually draw more energy from being alone than with friends, and kind of decided I was an introvert HAHA. But I guess it doesn’t matter if we define ourselves as introverts or extroverts. As long as we’re happy right? And regardless, we all need a good support group – a bigger one if you’re an extrovert; a smaller one if you’re an introvert. But as long as we have one, I think we’re good heh 🙂 Loved reading your post by the way. I look forward to reading more from you 🙂

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  2. Reading through this I could really relate to you. I was a very shy person mainly due to the abuse my self confidence got every day in middle school. I started disliking people, not liking myself…I’ve come a long way since that. Filling my life with positivity and good people.

    In the end its about pursuing your passions, living your dreams, and surrounding yourself with people who love and care about you for who you are!

    Like

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