I Still Believe

I’m not pretty, smart or good enough for anyone or anything.

No. This is not another pity party.

A few days ago I came across this quote in my friend’s blog post – 

“It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don’t really see ourselves. We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up and silent with chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing. You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care inside your heart. There’s no mirror in your way when you’re laughing and smiling and happiness is leaking out of you.You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly yourself.”

Sometimes, even the smartest people forget that they are good enough. Sometimes, I’m one of them. 

As a teenager, it’s pretty much expected that I feel low and depressed about the many changes being experienced on a day to day basis in my life.

But, when I do the things I love I feel different, I feel happy. I feel content with life. These things include reading, writing, spending time with my friends and my younger brother.

I’ve faced some pretty bad things in life. Broken friendships are something that I’m sure have changed me, and I’m not sure for the better or the worse.

We were best friends from the third standard. I looked up to her. She was the epitome of a perfect friend for me. But, things started changing when she realized we had different interests. 

She was into doing stuff for the church while I prefered to stay at home and read. Things got bad once we went to high school. She had her own group of friends while I was pretty much a loner. I didn’t like socializing then, and I still don’t.

Soon, the shit hit the fan when in ninth standard I started talking to boys while she still believed that they were morons. And, that’s when things really started to fall apart. 

She began spreading rumors about how I kept roaming with guys and tried to get people to mock me. She succeeded in turning my two other best friends away from me. That was a very low point in my life. She made me feel as though I wasn’t important. As if, I was a nobody. Someone without worth.

But, well, as all bad things it passed.

Soon, I realized that the other girl I’d thought was my best friend was also pretty much using me. So, I dumped her as well. But that was after she cajoled me into accepting a guy’s proposal. No worries, it didn’t even go further than three weeks.

So, then I told my other two best friends about the reality of all the rumors and we made up and well, they’re currently my best friends. Ah, well as much they can be.

I’ve developed many walls. And, most of them are tough to break through. So many secrets. So many hidden things.

They probably don’t know I have a blog. Not many know, actually. 

Outside, I’m pretty confident, But, on the inside I’m still that girl who’s second guessing her every action.

Not anymore.

I’m done with pleasing others and trying to be nice. From now, I’m a changed person.

I do what I believe. I believe in what I do. 

I don’t think anything anyone says will change me. But, I shall still accept criticism, but to work on it or not shall be my decision. And, no one elses. 

I’m me. And, I’m okay with it. 

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Sometimes I think tumblr knows me. It gets me. 

These pictures emphasize on what I want to say to all of you.

I still believe, and maybe, just maybe, you should too.

 

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